Christian Responses to Male Sexual Victimization
by R.M. Douglas
Department of History, Colgate University
Sexual violence is inflicted upon women and men alike. And for both sexes, the experience—fear, physical and mental distress, humiliation, social and spiritual isolation—is in most respects identical. There are, though, some sex-specific components. No man or boy, for example, has ever had to apprehend the possibility of being made pregnant as a result of sexual violation. Few women and girls, in contrast, are viewed suspiciously by others as potential perpetrators as a result of having undergone rape or other forms of sexual abuse. For Christians seeking to respond effectively to the problem, then, it's important to have at least a basic understanding of the ways in which the dynamics of sexual violence differ for members of each sex.
It's fair to say that if society as a whole is pretty clueless about rape and sexual assault, men and boys are trebly so. Tragically, boys are not prepared in any way that they might be victimized sexually. Most of the minimal and inadequate educational offerings aimed at boys and young men focus on how to avoid becoming a perpetrator of sexual violence. Hardly any deal with how to avoid becoming a victim of it—and none at all on what to do, or how to feel, if one actually does. The public at large, for its part, is left in woeful ignorance about how to conduct itself around those suffering from its effects.
While we may have some vague understanding of the threat of predatory scoutmasters, priests or pastors, we are largely unaware, for example, that 28% of males who experience sexual assault will have done so before their tenth birthday—nor that more than a third of their assailants will themselves be children. If we have any consciousness of female-perpetrated offenses, we are likely to treat them as a joke. And in all likelihood, we won't recognize sexualized hazing in all-male groups like sports teams or fraternal organizations, which often takes the form of grievous assaults like instrumental or digital rape, as sexual offenses at all.
Helping male victims cope with these crimes, then, will frequently have to begin with educating them that what happened to them was, in fact, criminal. But it shouldn't end there. Rape and sexual assault don't just require the intervention of law enforcement and the caring professions, necessary as each of these undoubtedly is. They are also, in their essence, spiritual crises. This is true, I'd argue, even in the case of non-believers, because these crimes raise profound questions not just of the problem of good and evil, but of the very nature of the victim's future relationship with his or her fellow human beings.
While duly acknowledging the progress that has been made in recent years—of which the existence of GRACE is one of the brightest and most optimistic expressions—the record of all Christian denominations in ministering to the spiritual needs of victims of sexual violence remains, on the whole, abysmal. If this is so in general, we have not even begun to think our way through the question of responding to male victims in particular.
An appropriate place to start, I believe, is with a deep consciousness of Jesus Christ's solidarity, and empathy, with all victims of sexual violence. Having, as the Gospels record, been subjected to public humiliation, forced nudity, and a form of execution designed to be especially degrading to the victim, this is a realm of human experience from which Our Lord was not as far removed as we are inclined to think. God stands with men and women who have undergone sexual violence not from a remote distance, but out of the most profound understanding of what such things truly involve. It's important that victims know that.
A second invaluable response is regular public prayer on behalf of all those who have experienced rape and sexual assault, both female and male. In our Sunday services, we invite the congregation, as we ought, to pray for the poor and sick, for immigrants and refugees, for those affected by natural disasters and wars. We hardly ever do so for victims of sexual violence; when we do, mentions of men and boys specifically are rarer than hen's teeth. Our silence on this matter speaks volumes to the victims, who are reminded thereby exactly where they stand in our scale of values.
Other activities we might initiate can signal to those in need of spiritual support that we stand ready to provide it. A book club or reading group on questions of sexual violence can help build an atmosphere in which disclosure of prior or existing victimization becomes possible. (It's worth remembering that, contrary to popular opinion, most male victims do try, typically several times, to disclose their experiences to others—and most eventually give up after encountering repeated incomprehension, derision or stigmatization in response.) A male-focused event during Sexual Assault Awareness Month (April) can serve the same function. Qualified speakers can be invited; appropriate podcasts or YouTube videos can be mentioned in the church newsletter. The range of options is limited only by the level of our energy and commitment.
In all this, it's important to avoid trite spiritual formulae in our treatment of sexual violence. Prayer is fundamental for all Christians, but it is not a cure for rape-related PTSD—any more than it is for cystic fibrosis, type 1 diabetes, or coronary heart disease. Exhortations to "lay one's troubles at the foot of the Cross" are little more helpful here than the advice to the poor to be warm and well-fed condemned in the Epistle of St James. Still worse is the instruction to the victim that he is obliged to forgive his aggressor, or even that he will not be "healed" unless he does so. The meaning of forgiveness in this context is more complex than it appears at first sight, requiring both prudence and patience if the victim is not to be further harmed and the perpetrator enabled to re-offend.
Just the same, by far the most vital thing is to make a start, even if our first steps are uncertain and we don't know precisely where we're going to end up. Victims of sexual violence will readily forgive our inevitable mistakes; they will not as easily understand—indeed, some will not survive—our indifference. We need not, and ought not, to seek to duplicate the work of professional counselors, a task for which we're ill-equipped. What we can offer, though, is perhaps more valuable still: a willingness to align ourselves with, and, if we can do nothing more, to suffer alongside, some of the most marginalized of our brothers and sisters in Christ. There will never be a better time to begin.
R.M. Douglas is the Russell Colgate Distinguished University Professor of History at Colgate University in Hamilton, NY, where he is a parishioner at St Mary's Catholic Church. He is president of the Foundation for the Study of Male Rape and Sexual Assault (FMRSA) and works as a consultant on campus sexual-violence prevention.