Shattered Sanctuary: The Many Losses of Church Betrayal
Contributed by Katherine B. Wiens, M.Ed, LPC, Witness/Victim Support Coordinator at GRACE
Like many people, I can remember times the church played a wonderful protective role in my life, beginning as a child. At age ten, the state removed me from an abusive home and placed me in foster care. My new foster family became my forever family. With them, I gained a safe, trustworthy faith community that helped me heal from some of the abuse I had experienced. As a child, I loved going to church and Sunday was my favorite day of the week. I had a sense of safety and belonging because people there cared about and for me and gave me help when I needed it.
As an adult my faith continued to grow. I attended a church wherever I lived. These faith communities provided me with friends, a place to belong, and ways to use the gifts and talents God gave me. All this helped me form a positive self-identity.
This all changed eight years ago. There was a prominent older man in the church who was arrested for sexual abuse of a child. This is when all the things I had believed to be true about the church shattered. The church did not speak openly about the crimes the man had committed. Rather, they remained silent for several months. This felt like a way to protect the perpetrator and silence victims and survivors, like me.
My story is not new or unique. As the Witness/Victim Support Coordinator at GRACE, I encounter this distressing narrative time and again. Abuse is uncovered, yet church leaders opt for silence, shielding the perpetrator. Far too frequently, victims, survivors, and whistleblowers are unjustly shamed and vilified for bravely speaking out and seeking justice.
When such instances occur, the losses are profound. For many of us, our faith, religion, and church community are integral parts of our identity. They shape who we are at our core. However, the harm that occurs when abuse is mishandled, strikes at the heart of our being. This leads to intense grief and a multitude of losses.
Here are some of the losses that I and the individuals I support have endured when a church community, which we once cherished and relied upon, betrayed our trust.
Hope
Hope is a powerful emotion, fostering expectation and longing for positive outcomes. When abuse occurs within a church community, there is a profound hope that the institution will act justly and hold perpetrators accountable . Victims and whistleblowers often persistently seek to help church leaders and others acknowledge and confront the abuse. But when church leaders fail to act, hope in their ability to serve as a moral compass for those who have been harmed is inevitably relinquished. Often this hope is let go of in order to facilitate healing and progress for those who speak out.
Safety and Trust
Churches and pastors are traditionally viewed as places of trust and reliability. However, when abuse occurs and victims are neglected or harmed instead of supported, it shatters the very foundation of trust and safety within those institutions.
Innocence
There is an innocence in believing that the church will respond appropriately to abuse. However, that innocence is often shattered when leaders mishandle abuse and end up harming rather than helping victims and survivors. It is difficult if not impossible to unsee what we have seen about the potential for church to harm people.
Identity
For many who have been in the church their whole lives, their identity is often intertwined with being a Christian, belonging to a specific denomination, and participating in a church community. This is a powerful statement of who we are. But when abuse is mishandled, remaining in a church often becomes incredibly challenging. For those who disengage from their church or denomination, it prompts a profound question: Who are they now? For some, this leads them to lose faith in God entirely. This shift in identity can leave individuals adrift, grappling with a sense of loss and uncertainty.
Relationships
One of the most profound losses experienced is the loss of relationships. Within a church community, there's a sense of belonging, a space to give and receive love and care, and a dependable community to lean on. However, when a member voices concerns about how the church is handling abuse, the community often distances itself. Not only does the church withdraw, but they may also shun or ostracize the individual, or couple. When the church has been a central component of one's life, the loss of community is staggering.
Abuse and its mishandling ripples through the entire congregation, affecting everyone. Of course, the most profound impact is always on the primary victims of the abuse. But those who speak out against the abuse, whether victims, survivors, or whistleblowers, are all profoundly impacted. Sadly, this often leads to life-altering consequences and significant losses for those who challenge the leaders. Remarkably though, these brave individuals wouldn’t do things any differently if given the chance. Seeking justice for the least of these is such a profound calling that there is no amount of loss that can silence it.